Journaling: reflections - 2025
Lessons (or gentle reminders from 2025)
Since the December 31st final countdown to the new year, a moment that always makes me feel nostalgic, I’ve been taking notes on the things that make me pause and reflect.
These reflections bring nothing new. These are all things we know already. Yet sometimes it's refreshing to remind ourselves of them, so much so that they can feel like new information.
These are not just my reflections, but also those of people who inspired me throughout the year through conversations, podcasts, books, and life in general.
It takes a village and beyond...
January
Being versus doing
This part of a podcast I listened to resonated with me: Elle Macpherson in conversation with Rich Roll (Feb 3, 2025 episode). She is a record-breaking Sports Illustrated cover model, actress and entrepreneur from Australia. I love storytelling, and I found the way she shared her story both insightful and inspiring.
It was a long conversation, but a few ideas stood out:
- We are often attracted to individuals who look good with the doing versus individuals attracting with the being. (Presence versus accomplishments). This goes both ways. We are often guilty of wanting to attract with what we do or have done in the past.
- We should aim for connection rather than attraction. The idea is to have attraction and connection.
- You attract the frequency of who you are. (Yes, we know that, but it's a good reminder)
- Be the love that you want to receive. Be that energy, and you will receive it.
February
Lifing
The destination is a vacation resort, a marathon finish line, getting home or a healed stress fracture.
The journey is saving money, the flight, training, physiotherapy, the commute, realizing that running does not define who I am...
Every minute of our lives is the journey! We are often unconsciously driven by destinations, forgetting that the journey itself is the beauty of it all - our personal story.
It's called lifing!
A few days after writing this, I was challenged to test my own appreciation of the journey. On Friday afternoon after work, I missed my train by five seconds. The doors closed right in front of me, and I stood there watching it drift away into the sunset.
I was in a rush to get home!
At first, I was pissed.
Then I remembered: I’m just lifing.
The only thing in my control is my reaction. I’m the only one responsible for whether I sit in anger or at peace. Both options are available. It's up to me to choose...
So, chill and enjoy the sunset.
This way of being is nothing new. Yet it’s the daily work, the practice of presence, that brings inner peace.
The more sidetracked we get, the faster time slips away.
Traditions
Kids love traditions. Actually, adults do too.
Traditions are a big part of my family life: a real Christmas tree for the holidays (seven feet tall), Christmas cookie decorating, a Valentine’s Day treasure hunt, an Easter egg hunt, and a family vacation every summer. These are our non-negotiables.
We had our annual Valentine's Day treasure hunt with my two daughters (no longer kids).
They insist on keeping every tradition exactly as it’s always been. There’s very little room for change in the way each one is replayed.
I love traditions because they bring out our intimate family connections: reminiscence, proximity, continuity.
Again this year, it opened the door to a long conversation about the past and the road that brought us to where we are today. Although they are growing up without their father, the love story that brought them into this world is a beautiful one. And I hope that one day, they will have a beautiful love story to share with their kids, if they choose that path!
Gratitude was the keyword.
We’re never too old for traditions… They allow us to slow down and be present on this fast-moving journey.
P.S. We just came back from our Christmas roadtrip with family. Another tradition where we all gather in the house we grew up in. I reconnected with a tradition I left behind. I read Christmas books with my 6-year-old nephew. This brought back great memories. The girls and I loved filling our bags at the library with bedtime stories. As soon as I started reading, both my daughters joined us, looking as captivated as they used to be. And yes, I heard a few giggles here and there.
We are never too old to be curious
Steve Magness, a guest on the Rich Roll podcast, said something that stuck with me:
The biggest propeller of curiosity is boredom.
And we've eliminated boredom.
Imagine someone standing in line. It is so easy to just pull out the phone and scroll mindlessly.
If you're bored, your brain pushes you to find solutions, which is where curiosity comes from.
Kids create games when bored. They need to be bored to grow into creative beings.
Steve Magness, a guest on the Rich Roll podcast, said something that stuck with me:
The biggest propeller of curiosity is boredom.
And we've eliminated boredom.
Imagine someone standing in line. It is so easy to just pull out the phone and scroll mindlessly.
If you're bored, your brain pushes you to find solutions, which is where curiosity comes from.
Kids create games when bored. They need to be bored to grow into creative beings.
Being bored helps to process things. It brings out solutions and ideas.
We need to get to moments where we have more of that.
Phones are there to stay, but we can learn to put them away sometimes.
And we shall be pleasantly surprised with the outcome.
P.S. My daughter shared with me an app she uses called Opal. It tracks screen time and allows you to block apps and notifications for set periods. It’s free!
There’s something deeply freeing about detaching from our phones. I’ve noticed more conversations lately about the benefits of having a landline, and about accepting that being unreachable sometimes is not only okay, but healthy.
Quotes that resonated with me
* You can recreate yourself whenever you want.
* We are wired to service but raised to greed.
I'd add that being of service is an instant source of joy, whether it’s in the smallest, simplest ways or in the bigger ones.
* Most of what happens in life is out of our control. Resisting only makes it harder.
* Il n'y a rien comme la conscience de la mort pour te donner envie de vivre pleinement.
* There is nothing like the awareness of death to make you want to live fully.
Dominic Tardif. Épisode avec Karine Vanasse.
This reminds me of a quote I read in the book I worked on, written by a participant sharing her experience with breast cancer: “I once read that we have two lives. The second one begins when we realize that we only have one.” — N.D.
When a Threat Brings Us Together
Canada wins 4 Nations Face-Off
Connor McDavid won it 8:18 into overtime, Jordan Binnington was terrific in a 31-save effort, and Canada claimed the 4 Nations Face-Off title with a 3-2 win over the U.S.
Social media was flooded with images of the hockey game that ended with a victory against the U.S. What struck me was how quickly a threat of one man’s toxicity can bring a whole country together. In that moment, it wasn’t just about hockey. It was about unity, resilience, and pride. The ice became more than a rink; it was a reminder that sometimes adversity is what wakes us up to our strength as a community or even as a country.
Let’s keep reminding each other of that strength and stay united moving forward.
Tools, Not Resistance
I spoke with a patient today who was overwhelmed with anxiety. We talked about stress, how it’s part of life and impossible to avoid. Many of our patients tell us that anxiety increases significantly in this new chapter called menopause. Yet menopause doesn’t necessarily add stressors; in some cases, it seems to reduce our ability to face them or cope with them. As if our tolerance for anything unplanned has been completely depleted.
Whether menopausal or not, we need to remind ourselves that stress isn’t the enemy. It’s a signal, asking for our attention.
The goal isn’t to live stress-free, but to gather tools that help us cope. Coping means accepting what is, rather than resisting the unpredictable. There are many tools in our reach; the challenge is finding the ones that truly fit us.
When we do, we make room for growth, perspective, and sometimes even gratitude.
None of this is new. Yet when we’re overwhelmed, we forget. Conversations like these help us remember. And I am often on the other side of that conversation.
It takes a beautifully diverse village to guide us back.
Rethinking How We Live
Some thoughts and quotes that stuck with me after listening to Dr. Ellen Langer, a Harvard psychology professor. She was a guest on the Rich Roll podcast. I really enjoyed listening to her. She has a way of simplifying it all.
Listening to her made me realize that it’s okay not to have a bucket list. I want to be happy with what I’m doing today. It’s okay to dream and aspire, but a bucket list isn’t something I feel the need to have. I don’t need to bungee jump off a cliff to feel alive and happy. It all comes back to lifing and thriving in the now, in simplicity.
Other words she shared that resonated with me:
- “Negativity spreads as quickly as positivity. And when people talk, people have to understand. Things are not positive. Things are not negative. Things are things. And our understanding of them creates our experience.” I dig that! My dad has often told me that a cigar is just a cigar; this is exactly what he meant!
- “People don’t appreciate how hard it is to make things sound simple.”
- “People are led to believe that by criticizing, they are discerning.” So true! This one really hit home. To me, it reflects the harsh extremes of freedom of speech on social media, how easy it is to voice opinions behind a screen, without any empathy for how our words can affect the person they’re aimed at.
- Criticizing: indicate the faults of (someone or something) in a disaproving way.
- Discerning: having or showing good judgment.
March
Steadiness in Vulnerable Times
Psychologist Lisa Damour speaks about parenting through vulnerability. In uncertain times, the best thing we can offer our kids is a steady presence.
As we navigate turmoil in the world, she talks about how to parent our kids through adversity.
The best thing we can do in vulnerable times is to be a steady presence for our kids. We’ve been around longer and can offer perspective that they cannot yet have. Being emotional is not the same as being fragile. Emotional health isn’t just about feeling good; it’s about coping when you’re not feeling good. You are supposed to feel upset in upsetting situations. Allow the distress, knowing you will feel good again.
Promise our kids that hard days shall pass. We can't remove your kid's sadness, but we can be a steady presence for them.
Discomfort fosters growth
I was talking with a friend recently about the tools we can use when we find ourselves learning from someone who lacks emotional intelligence. In her case, she was in training in a work setting, and the person teaching her held the power over whether she passed or failed. The teaching block was in its beginnings, the pressure was high, and the rhythm was fast.
Criticism was constant.
I asked her 2 simple questions:
How can you grow from this?
What is your ultimate objective?
How can you grow from this?
What is your ultimate objective?
Sometimes we need to speak up. Other times, we need to adapt and move through discomfort. Either way, the questions matter.
Is the goal to learn how to communicate so that you can grow in a healthier environment?
Or is it to navigate the pressure as it comes and learn to perform under stressful conditions?
Yes, learning seems easier when we are encouraged. And no, we will not always be praised. Some teachers will remain tough on us no matter how hard we try. But we still learn about ourselves, our thresholds, our instincts, and our resilience. Our reactions become part of our growth.
We’re no longer in the “no pain, no gain” era. Growth doesn’t require emotional bruises. It requires clarity, intention, and the courage to set ourselves up for success.
There is a lot of good in people, in our teachers, mentors, bosses, partners and parents. Sometimes the real work is learning how to bring it out, or at least how to protect ourselves while trying.
We won’t always get things our way, and not every learning environment will adapt to us. That’s part of reality. But even then, our mental health should remain a priority. We may need to adjust or compromise at times, but not to the point of losing ourselves. Learning shouldn’t cost us our sense of worth.
Injuries: Where I Am, Not Where I Was
I haven’t written much lately.
After months of injury and healing, I’ve been moving again, spending time outside, and it feels so good, although there’s a constant, low-grade disappointment in not being able to train the way I used to.
The brain wants healing to mean returning to “normal.” When that doesn’t happen, resistance creeps in. But growth means we cannot remain who we once were.
My life is good. My recent adversity would not be considered adversity for most people right now. But running is my therapy, and I am learning to accept that I am evolving as an athlete. I am learning to trust and accept the healing process. I am also getting older... I am grateful just to be able to be in movement outside!
Where Healing Happens -The scenic roads to recovery
July
On Being a Parent in the Summer
It’s summertime. My young teen and young adult are finally on break. That means they’re home more. It also means that I come home to a lived-in home, sometimes a bit too lived-in. Sticky kitchen floors, dried toothpaste in the sink, and an overflowing dishwasher that wasn’t started. I'm the good-spirited mom who becomes grumpy the second she walks into a house she left clean that morning.
One day, I came home from work and took a few minutes to write down this poem:
Are You Mad at Me?
It’s summer.
Kids, well, no longer kids, are home.
Sleeping more.
Eating more.
Scrolling more.
Parents come back from work.
Sometimes to an empty house.
Cleaning more.
Picking up more.
Swearing more.
Has the dog been walked today?
...
Phone goes to voicemail.
A text gets a “Do Not Disturb” reply.
I tap: Disturb anyway.
...
Let’s walk the dog, just in case.
A text comes in:
“Are you mad at me?”
And I wonder.. why does that sentence hold so much weight?
Is a good day simply a day without “mad”?
Is mad the only emotion a parent gets to feel?
We're either mad or not mad.
If I’m defined by two states;
mad or not mad,
then yes, I’m mad
several times a day:
When I see dried toothpaste in the sink I just cleaned.
When I come home to a mountain of dishes.
When I don’t know where you are.
When the silence, the not doing, feels like disrespect.
Like I’m just here to pick up.
Like I’m a monster
for sounding mad,
or not sounding mad
but still being perceived as mad.
What they don’t realize is
Our kids are the only people who can get away with anything.
Because our love for them
is unconditional.
Even when I’m mad.
Let’s go beyond mad.
What is a good day?
A good day holds both good and bad.
It’s reacting to both
in a healthy way.
It’s gratitude.
It’s respect.
It’s knowing that your parents’ love is limitless.
It's knowing that you are safe
to learn,
to grow,
in discomfort.
We’re on the same team.
And sometimes, when I’m mad,
it’s not even about you.
It might be that I’m tired.
Or hormonal (most likely)
Or something happened at work.
Parents have your back.
We want to bring out the best in you.
We’re far from perfect.
Sometimes, even clumsy.
But this is certain:
Our love is unconditional.
...
That said
You still have to pick up after yourself.
October
Democracy With Respect. Let’s Be the Example
Over the past few weeks, I’ve been reading social media posts from people preparing to run in the upcoming municipal elections, and, more importantly, the comments beneath them.
Some of those comments would deeply affect me if they were directed at me. They’re the kind of words I would never want my daughters or loved ones to receive. They’re meant to express dissatisfaction, but often come out as harsh and denigrating.
It brings me back to the quote I mentioned earlier: People are led to believe that by criticizing, they are discerning. They are not discerning; they are hurtful. They send the message that disagreement equals division.
These comments aren’t isolated. They appear again and again, across posts and across topics. In fact, many resemble the kind of language that would warrant disciplinary action if written by a student toward a classmate.
Our children are watching. They are learning from us.
So I’m inviting us to be the example we want them to follow.
Instead of unleashing anger online, let’s offer ideas, not just opposition. Let’s listen, disagree respectfully, and accept our differences.
For our children, and for the generations that will follow, let’s choose to model civility.
When conversations have the potential to divide us, let’s show the strength of community and humanity, and remind them that there is still hope. For them, and for us.
On emotional intelligence
I met a really interesting man, a retired philosophy teacher.
During his career, he developed an interest in emotional intelligence, published on the topic, and now gives conferences.
I asked him whether emotional intelligence can be acquired over time by those who have lower levels. He began by stating that IQ cannot be increased. On the other hand, he explained that emotional intelligence can indeed be developed over time, but only if one is extremely open to learning.
Some people have high emotional intelligence and a lower IQ. Others have high IQ and lower emotional intelligence. Some are more balanced, with similar levels of both. But he noted that when someone strongly possesses only one of the two, those with higher emotional intelligence tend to do better than those with a higher IQ alone.
Note to self: I need to attend his next talk!
Loose Wheels: What Running Teaches me About Life
I spent the weekend with friends, and we had a long talk about marathons. We discussed the difference between running a distance as a beginner and running it with experience. We all remembered at least one marathon where everything fell apart. Mine was Burlington, I hit the wall at 16 km. Our departure time was pushed by an hour due to lightning. It completely messed with my mental plan for the race.
I've always been fascinated by the fact that men often start out faster and accept that they may fall apart at some point. One runner in particular, who shares his race stories in a podcast, taught me something important: when one wheel comes loose, it doesn't mean that all of them will come off. Sometimes you have to slow down and let the moment pass. This idea changed the way I run... and live.
Life, like running, tests our patience and reactions. A wave of impulsive emotions can drag us into a negative spiral, often more destructive than the situation itself. So I slow down, take a tall glass of perspective and trust that this feeling shall pass. And then I see more clearly how good I have it!
In a race, it's always possible to give up. But the real race begins when the going gets tough. Life is no different, and you always have the choice to persevere or walk away, hoping for better days when the stars align.
Another popular saying in our sport is that we can’t always control every situation, but we can control our reactions to them. Life tests us every day...
Having a support system is essential, and it takes effort. It means checking in on people, staying connected, and being present. Women often do this more naturally than men. When things fall apart, men may struggle more because their partner is often their primary support, while women tend to have wider networks that include family, friends, and colleagues.
Parenting Young Adults and Choosing My Battles
I had another thought today, this time about raising young adults.
My eldest daughter has started university. Between her classes, her engineering projects, and her social life, she comes home late and leaves early. And I come home to a house that is not always the way I left in the morning.
I don't like the person I become when I point out the mess to her. And sometimes, I feel like that's all I do.
Today, I realized that what bothered me wasn't so much the mess as the feeling of not being respected. I'd like our conversations to focus on this exciting new chapter: her friends, university life, and the chemistry professor she complains about. She makes me laugh, and I'm so proud of her. I just want to hang out with her.
Part of me wishes that raising young adults could be calmer, less corrective. But I also like coming home to a tidy house. It's my space, the fruit of a lot of hard work, where I recharge my batteries.
My kids are great. Being a parent, especially at this stage, often means choosing your battles and trusting that we have given them enough to find their own way. It's about learning to take a step back while remaining present... and sometimes with a little “tough love” as they move toward independence.
It's easier said than done!
November
No one is perfect. Everybody has baggage. But it begins with us, and the openness to communicate.
Conclusion: Remembering Is the Practice
Looking back, 2025 wasn’t about discovering profound new truths. It was about reminders, of the daily tests, of the journey itself; of presence over performance, coping over resistance, steadiness through uncertainty, unity over division, and how we show up for ourselves and for others.
Knowing something doesn’t mean we’re applying it. That’s where practice comes in. And the village that helps us return to ourselves when we drift.
If there’s one lesson I’m carrying forward, it’s this: healing doesn’t mean going back to how things were. Growth brings us to a new place, where we learn to let go of what we think defines us and become who we are as a whole, present, compassionate, doing what we love with the people we love.
My recent injury also gave me the opportunity to explore another passion of mine: writing. With the support of my mother, my partner and family, and the help of several people from the Isle of Man, I was able to get to know my great-uncle Billy, a young hero of World War II. I learned about the editing process and feel honored to have the opportunity to share his story. Here’s the link to his story:
Billy's Story: A Memoir of a Young Navy Seaman Aboard WWII Trawlers
It all begins with us but we are all in this together.
Is the goal to learn how to communicate so that you can grow in a healthier environment?
Or is it to navigate the pressure as it comes and learn to perform under stressful conditions?
Yes, learning seems easier when we are encouraged. And no, we will not always be praised. Some teachers will remain tough on us no matter how hard we try. But we still learn about ourselves, our thresholds, our instincts, and our resilience. Our reactions become part of our growth.
We’re no longer in the “no pain, no gain” era. Growth doesn’t require emotional bruises. It requires clarity, intention, and the courage to set ourselves up for success.
There is a lot of good in people, in our teachers, mentors, bosses, partners and parents. Sometimes the real work is learning how to bring it out, or at least how to protect ourselves while trying.
We won’t always get things our way, and not every learning environment will adapt to us. That’s part of reality. But even then, our mental health should remain a priority. We may need to adjust or compromise at times, but not to the point of losing ourselves. Learning shouldn’t cost us our sense of worth.
Injuries: Where I Am, Not Where I Was
I haven’t written much lately.
After months of injury and healing, I’ve been moving again, spending time outside, and it feels so good, although there’s a constant, low-grade disappointment in not being able to train the way I used to.
The brain wants healing to mean returning to “normal.” When that doesn’t happen, resistance creeps in. But growth means we cannot remain who we once were.
My life is good. My recent adversity would not be considered adversity for most people right now. But running is my therapy, and I am learning to accept that I am evolving as an athlete. I am learning to trust and accept the healing process. I am also getting older... I am grateful just to be able to be in movement outside!
Where Healing Happens -The scenic roads to recovery
July
On Being a Parent in the Summer
It’s summertime. My young teen and young adult are finally on break. That means they’re home more. It also means that I come home to a lived-in home, sometimes a bit too lived-in. Sticky kitchen floors, dried toothpaste in the sink, and an overflowing dishwasher that wasn’t started. I'm the good-spirited mom who becomes grumpy the second she walks into a house she left clean that morning.
One day, I came home from work and took a few minutes to write down this poem:
Are You Mad at Me?
It’s summer.
Kids, well, no longer kids, are home.
Sleeping more.
Eating more.
Scrolling more.
Parents come back from work.
Sometimes to an empty house.
Cleaning more.
Picking up more.
Swearing more.
Has the dog been walked today?
...
Phone goes to voicemail.
A text gets a “Do Not Disturb” reply.
I tap: Disturb anyway.
...
Let’s walk the dog, just in case.
A text comes in:
“Are you mad at me?”
And I wonder.. why does that sentence hold so much weight?
Is a good day simply a day without “mad”?
Is mad the only emotion a parent gets to feel?
We're either mad or not mad.
If I’m defined by two states;
mad or not mad,
then yes, I’m mad
several times a day:
When I see dried toothpaste in the sink I just cleaned.
When I come home to a mountain of dishes.
When I don’t know where you are.
When the silence, the not doing, feels like disrespect.
Like I’m just here to pick up.
Like I’m a monster
for sounding mad,
or not sounding mad
but still being perceived as mad.
What they don’t realize is
Our kids are the only people who can get away with anything.
Because our love for them
is unconditional.
Even when I’m mad.
Let’s go beyond mad.
What is a good day?
A good day holds both good and bad.
It’s reacting to both
in a healthy way.
It’s gratitude.
It’s respect.
It’s knowing that your parents’ love is limitless.
It's knowing that you are safe
to learn,
to grow,
in discomfort.
We’re on the same team.
And sometimes, when I’m mad,
it’s not even about you.
It might be that I’m tired.
Or hormonal (most likely)
Or something happened at work.
Parents have your back.
We want to bring out the best in you.
We’re far from perfect.
Sometimes, even clumsy.
But this is certain:
Our love is unconditional.
...
That said
You still have to pick up after yourself.
October
Democracy With Respect. Let’s Be the Example
Over the past few weeks, I’ve been reading social media posts from people preparing to run in the upcoming municipal elections, and, more importantly, the comments beneath them.
Some of those comments would deeply affect me if they were directed at me. They’re the kind of words I would never want my daughters or loved ones to receive. They’re meant to express dissatisfaction, but often come out as harsh and denigrating.
It brings me back to the quote I mentioned earlier: People are led to believe that by criticizing, they are discerning. They are not discerning; they are hurtful. They send the message that disagreement equals division.
These comments aren’t isolated. They appear again and again, across posts and across topics. In fact, many resemble the kind of language that would warrant disciplinary action if written by a student toward a classmate.
Our children are watching. They are learning from us.
So I’m inviting us to be the example we want them to follow.
Instead of unleashing anger online, let’s offer ideas, not just opposition. Let’s listen, disagree respectfully, and accept our differences.
For our children, and for the generations that will follow, let’s choose to model civility.
When conversations have the potential to divide us, let’s show the strength of community and humanity, and remind them that there is still hope. For them, and for us.
On emotional intelligence
I met a really interesting man, a retired philosophy teacher.
During his career, he developed an interest in emotional intelligence, published on the topic, and now gives conferences.
I asked him whether emotional intelligence can be acquired over time by those who have lower levels. He began by stating that IQ cannot be increased. On the other hand, he explained that emotional intelligence can indeed be developed over time, but only if one is extremely open to learning.
Some people have high emotional intelligence and a lower IQ. Others have high IQ and lower emotional intelligence. Some are more balanced, with similar levels of both. But he noted that when someone strongly possesses only one of the two, those with higher emotional intelligence tend to do better than those with a higher IQ alone.
Note to self: I need to attend his next talk!
Loose Wheels: What Running Teaches me About Life
I spent the weekend with friends, and we had a long talk about marathons. We discussed the difference between running a distance as a beginner and running it with experience. We all remembered at least one marathon where everything fell apart. Mine was Burlington, I hit the wall at 16 km. Our departure time was pushed by an hour due to lightning. It completely messed with my mental plan for the race.
I've always been fascinated by the fact that men often start out faster and accept that they may fall apart at some point. One runner in particular, who shares his race stories in a podcast, taught me something important: when one wheel comes loose, it doesn't mean that all of them will come off. Sometimes you have to slow down and let the moment pass. This idea changed the way I run... and live.
Life, like running, tests our patience and reactions. A wave of impulsive emotions can drag us into a negative spiral, often more destructive than the situation itself. So I slow down, take a tall glass of perspective and trust that this feeling shall pass. And then I see more clearly how good I have it!
In a race, it's always possible to give up. But the real race begins when the going gets tough. Life is no different, and you always have the choice to persevere or walk away, hoping for better days when the stars align.
Another popular saying in our sport is that we can’t always control every situation, but we can control our reactions to them. Life tests us every day...
Having a support system is essential, and it takes effort. It means checking in on people, staying connected, and being present. Women often do this more naturally than men. When things fall apart, men may struggle more because their partner is often their primary support, while women tend to have wider networks that include family, friends, and colleagues.
Parenting Young Adults and Choosing My Battles
I had another thought today, this time about raising young adults.
My eldest daughter has started university. Between her classes, her engineering projects, and her social life, she comes home late and leaves early. And I come home to a house that is not always the way I left in the morning.
I don't like the person I become when I point out the mess to her. And sometimes, I feel like that's all I do.
Today, I realized that what bothered me wasn't so much the mess as the feeling of not being respected. I'd like our conversations to focus on this exciting new chapter: her friends, university life, and the chemistry professor she complains about. She makes me laugh, and I'm so proud of her. I just want to hang out with her.
Part of me wishes that raising young adults could be calmer, less corrective. But I also like coming home to a tidy house. It's my space, the fruit of a lot of hard work, where I recharge my batteries.
My kids are great. Being a parent, especially at this stage, often means choosing your battles and trusting that we have given them enough to find their own way. It's about learning to take a step back while remaining present... and sometimes with a little “tough love” as they move toward independence.
It's easier said than done!
November
A powerful story about unhealthy relationships
An interview with author Camille Laurens, published in La Presse on November 23, struck me deeply. She challenged the prejudice that women in relationships with narcissistic abusers are naïve or easily misled. As she explains:
An interview with author Camille Laurens, published in La Presse on November 23, struck me deeply. She challenged the prejudice that women in relationships with narcissistic abusers are naïve or easily misled. As she explains:
- “Often, narcissistic abusive personalities are focused on seduction; they are people who are well-liked, who are found charming. When a woman complains about a man like that, she is not believed.”
- “I believe my novel has released something of the sense of guilt one can feel when one is the victim of such a relationship.”
- “I wanted to challenge the prejudice that these women are just naïve, vulnerable women who allow themselves to be completely fooled. Well, no. Quite the opposite.”
- “It happens more often to women who have a certain social strength, because the narcissistic abuser’s goal is not to destroy someone who is already very low. On the contrary, it is to bring down someone who is strong. That is their glory.”
This resonated with me as a single mother raising two girls without the presence of their father. I sometimes feel shame about our situation. I am often asked whether my situation was predictable. Sometimes I want to answer: of course, this is exactly what I wanted for my family.
Our daughters were born from love. We know it, and they know it too, and that is what truly matters. Judgments exist, and sometimes I imagine them more than they really are, but I try not to allow them any space in our home. What matters is ensuring that our children can grow up in an environment filled with presence, stability, and love, guided by compassion and understanding rather than assumptions or judgment.The Weight of Our Choices
One of the novels I read in November follows suburban life. In one scene, a wife admits to her husband that she cheated and isn’t sure their second child is his.
He tells her the worst part isn’t the affair or even the possibility of an illegitimate child, it’s the fear of losing his relationship with her, the one thing he feels he can’t live without.
Her thought after he said that:
“It was the loveliest knife she’d ever been stabbed with in her life.” (Sally Hepworth)
That sentence is brilliant. In just a few words, it captures guilt, love, and the quiet devastation our choices can cause. Sometimes the drive to feel alive dulls our empathy. The drive to feel alive can drain the life from someone we love. What once seemed greener elsewhere can dry up quickly when we lose perspective.
What struck me wasn’t the infidelity itself, but the weight of decision-making, and how deeply our choices affect others, and in turn, how theirs affect us.
It begins with you
I listened to this podcast in early December
Rich Roll interviewed the author of the book It Begins with You.
Jillian Turecki’s holistic, compassionate, yet no-nonsense approach to love has attracted a following of millions. In her book, she makes clear that if you want a meaningful relationship filled with connection, security, and intimacy, you have to look within. The common denominator in all your relationships is you.
I enjoyed the whole discussion.
One key element she highlights is what we should look for in a partner: someone who knows how to work through problems. As she puts it, she’s not interested in chasing someone for days after an issue arises. It’s not about perfection or a trauma-free past; it’s about communication. You can need time to think, and you can struggle to express yourself. What matters is the willingness to engage.
"I don’t want you to leave the toilet seat up, but you can leave the toilet seat up.”
In other words, choose your battles, and communication matters most.
She adds, “Everyone wants to be loved for who they are.”
So what does that mean?
We want to be loved even though we are anxious or depressed or have this weird habit, or we struggle with A, B, and C. And everyone deserves that, but we have to bring to the table things that would make it so someone would want to be in a relationship with us: reliability, consistency, love, care, nurturing, and the willingness to communicate. It’s so important that we talk about this because people think there is going to be this incredibly perfect, highly evolved, angelic individual. They are going to rescue us, and this is happening in people’s unconscious all the time.”
Again, these are things we already know, but we are creatures of habit, and that includes our thought processes. As we get older, we feel that we know better, and we react quickly to what others say or do. These reflections apply to all types of relationships. This discussion simply reminds us that it all begins with us; how we show up, how we try to understand one another, and how we communicate healthily.
One of the novels I read in November follows suburban life. In one scene, a wife admits to her husband that she cheated and isn’t sure their second child is his.
He tells her the worst part isn’t the affair or even the possibility of an illegitimate child, it’s the fear of losing his relationship with her, the one thing he feels he can’t live without.
Her thought after he said that:
“It was the loveliest knife she’d ever been stabbed with in her life.” (Sally Hepworth)
That sentence is brilliant. In just a few words, it captures guilt, love, and the quiet devastation our choices can cause. Sometimes the drive to feel alive dulls our empathy. The drive to feel alive can drain the life from someone we love. What once seemed greener elsewhere can dry up quickly when we lose perspective.
What struck me wasn’t the infidelity itself, but the weight of decision-making, and how deeply our choices affect others, and in turn, how theirs affect us.
It begins with you
I listened to this podcast in early December
Rich Roll interviewed the author of the book It Begins with You.
Jillian Turecki’s holistic, compassionate, yet no-nonsense approach to love has attracted a following of millions. In her book, she makes clear that if you want a meaningful relationship filled with connection, security, and intimacy, you have to look within. The common denominator in all your relationships is you.
I enjoyed the whole discussion.
One key element she highlights is what we should look for in a partner: someone who knows how to work through problems. As she puts it, she’s not interested in chasing someone for days after an issue arises. It’s not about perfection or a trauma-free past; it’s about communication. You can need time to think, and you can struggle to express yourself. What matters is the willingness to engage.
"I don’t want you to leave the toilet seat up, but you can leave the toilet seat up.”
In other words, choose your battles, and communication matters most.
She adds, “Everyone wants to be loved for who they are.”
So what does that mean?
We want to be loved even though we are anxious or depressed or have this weird habit, or we struggle with A, B, and C. And everyone deserves that, but we have to bring to the table things that would make it so someone would want to be in a relationship with us: reliability, consistency, love, care, nurturing, and the willingness to communicate. It’s so important that we talk about this because people think there is going to be this incredibly perfect, highly evolved, angelic individual. They are going to rescue us, and this is happening in people’s unconscious all the time.”
Again, these are things we already know, but we are creatures of habit, and that includes our thought processes. As we get older, we feel that we know better, and we react quickly to what others say or do. These reflections apply to all types of relationships. This discussion simply reminds us that it all begins with us; how we show up, how we try to understand one another, and how we communicate healthily.
No one is perfect. Everybody has baggage. But it begins with us, and the openness to communicate.
Conclusion: Remembering Is the Practice
Looking back, 2025 wasn’t about discovering profound new truths. It was about reminders, of the daily tests, of the journey itself; of presence over performance, coping over resistance, steadiness through uncertainty, unity over division, and how we show up for ourselves and for others.
Knowing something doesn’t mean we’re applying it. That’s where practice comes in. And the village that helps us return to ourselves when we drift.
If there’s one lesson I’m carrying forward, it’s this: healing doesn’t mean going back to how things were. Growth brings us to a new place, where we learn to let go of what we think defines us and become who we are as a whole, present, compassionate, doing what we love with the people we love.
My recent injury also gave me the opportunity to explore another passion of mine: writing. With the support of my mother, my partner and family, and the help of several people from the Isle of Man, I was able to get to know my great-uncle Billy, a young hero of World War II. I learned about the editing process and feel honored to have the opportunity to share his story. Here’s the link to his story:
Billy's Story: A Memoir of a Young Navy Seaman Aboard WWII Trawlers
It all begins with us but we are all in this together.
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