Happy mothers day!

                                                                            

I grew up thinking that my mother knew it all.

She even knew when I pretended to take a bath while I sat on the washing machine reading a book. 

She knew I would step in mud with my brand-new white shoes. I hid them in my closet the second I came home, only to find her standing right there as soon as I closed the door. She told me I'd have to wear my winter boots all summer long!

We could not get anything past her, and I thought I would one day officially know everything, just like she did.

When I was 19 years old, I moved to Australia, hitchhiked through the Canadian Rockies and then Africa and Central America.  Malaria almost sent me to my grave in Zimbabwe back in the pre-Internet era... Now that I have children of my own, I realize what I put my mother through. She had no idea where I was or if I was okay.

Years later, I am still blessed to have her in my life. She is still so active, walking her dogs and still plays volleyball. She shovels the snow and stains her deck. I should make her a t-shirt that says: "78 is the new 60!"

My kids are older now.

We often reminisce about their childhood.

Yesterday, I realized that I’m a "pressure cooker" type of mom. I am cool, permissive, and nurturing with just enough authority, right up until I snap.

I snap a few times a year. As I snap, I tell myself to get a grip and that I'm taking things out of proportion. And then I apologize and feel guilty for days cause feeling guilty is part of all moms' DNA. Thankfully for my kids, I don't snap anymore, or very rarely. 

Being a mom is such a privilege, and I have so much gratitude for it, a privilege that, sadly, is not granted to everyone. 

I came home from my run this morning and was greeted with cards, gifts, and hugs upon hugs. I don't think my heart could be any fuller.

I’ve been far from a perfect mom. I’ve snapped, I’ve missed school meetings, and I didn't volunteer enough for school activities. I’ve even transferred my financial anxiety to my kids and messed up recipes that they still ate (and claimed tasted good). But I tried my best, and I’ve loved every minute of it.

Mothers day is every day.

But today especially, I wish a happy Mother's Day to all moms, and all moms who want to be moms, and moms of little angels and to my mom especially.